Stuck...

Do you often find yourself stuck in yourself, in the past, in other people, and in other lives so much so as to forget and ignore what is happening around you and what awaits you?

Sometimes you just let people believe you do.

Because you do not want to relive those moments again by doing once again what you did in the past.

There are some things that you are so full of.

Somethings that you don't want to repeat in your life.

Some things that you decided once that you would never do again.

Some moments that you would never live again.

Some facts, you will just let them be.

Some thoughts, you will just deal with the way they are.

Some bit of you, you will just let it be.

That was it. A lot of times, you want to believe that really was it. Guess, I want to believe that too. Just got reminded of the time I actually started with this blog and after a lot of thinking, gave it this name 'That Was It'.

That really was it for me. AMEN.

I am just not myself these days. Bear with me.

Sugar coated poison

Scenario 1
He = Sorry my battery died and so got disconnected.
She = No worries.
He = Thanks. You are sweet.
Scenario 2
She = Listen, I apologize for going weak today.
He = Don’t be. I wanted it that way too.
She = Why?
He = Just like that. Because you are sweet.
Scenario 3
He = Sweetness, I think its time.
She = For?
He = For us to go our own ways. For everyone’s good.
She = Hmmm….sure. Good bye.
He = Thanks. You’re a sweetheart.

You don't think such scenarios exist? Well, I do. I can vouch for them.

and before I come to an end..just one more line that I always say to everyone that i know - am not Sweet. I am just plain selfish.

?

When do you get possessive out of love?

When you know what the other person is doing to someone else is something you would want him to do to you?

Or when you think you should be the one he should do anything and everything to?

Crazy explainations? Yes, I know. I really need to know this. And I still want to understand it with respect to these two lines only. My mind won't relate to anything else. Come on now, help me.

...and the clock ticked just right...

...yesterday was that kind of a day for me!!!

I don't know what to say - sometimes you want to give up on things because they just do not happen the way you wish them too. While you burn from within for the passion of it, you don't let it show because it doesn't make you look any better or make you feel any good. When you keep on wishing and hoping and trying in vain to make things work for you and they just don't and you keep wondering how to cope up with that situation and try silly things such as keeping yourself busy to the core so that you have no time left to think of 'that' particular thing...because the moment you think about it, you think of your failure in terms of not being able to reach where you wanted to...and then slowly you start giving up on those things...people...feeling...situations..and circumstances...and get used to living without them...

But..amidst all these things that you keep trying, if you just get luckyand things actually work out the way you wanted..how do you react? Well, you thank God..(I just did)...you become nervous because suddenly there is something that you always hoped for, but knew wouldn't happen HAS actually Happened. Performance anxiety...lolz...not really...just an overdose of satisfaction. God, thanks...don't know your ways but each time they just make me a happier person. I am thankful to everything that you have always given me, including this moment.

And how can I not mention my dear friend Sanjeev who has taught me to thank god everytime for everything that He has done for us...Sanjeev, this is one of the most special things that I have learnt in my life from you, besides trying (and failing umpteen times) to be a terrific human being like you. God Bless.

I still believe in Fairies...

...coz once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a "fairy tale”. :)

Cycle of thoughts...

I don't understand - I just don't understand..sometimes and off late most of the times, I fail to understand some things. Question to me before any of you asks - why am I bothered? Well, honestly am not. But am curious.

Or may be I am bothered coz somewhere it matters. I am not sure and I don't want to be sure either. What do I do? I don't panic. I don't loose patience. I keep quite. I do some silly things once in a while, realize and then stop doing them as well. And then I think and I keep thinking. When I get tired of thinking, I start making assumptions. When my assumptions fall in place - form an opinion...when that opinion is what my heart wants to believe in - I readily believe in that opinion formed and be happy or sad as per what I feel. When I feel happy, I draw a conclusion. When I feed sad, I again draw another conclusion. Net net I conclude. Ah...we have reached a conclusion..and all this without anyone other than me in the scene. Great going..let's hear what comes next.

So depending on what I conclude, I decide what I want to do. Whether to fight or let the moment and the whole esssence along with it go by. There are times when I chose to move on from the situation and there were also times when I got stuck deeper into it. :)

This is a sheer example of a one way communication. But, all this while there was no one else in the situation than I, me, and myself. Is it a lot different for you? I am sure it is. I won't be surprised is it ain't. Sometimes, there is so much of a silence and distance among friends, families, people, religions, countries...that you turn to your on-your-own cycle of thoughts...you can't afford to do anything else because there is your sweet and strong ego to back you. You can't and shouldn't fool around with your ego, right? You cannot even dare to go against it.

Hmm..that's just life...and that's just me..!!!

This one again for my records.

Knock Knock...

I can't believe it..the last i wrote was on August 3rd? I must be crazy. This weekend, I am gonna spend some time here and I better do. :-) For now, am gonna' go and watch 'Singh is King' - let me come back and tell you about it...:-)

Happy remaining friday guys...and a colorful image for you!!!

A day gone by...

....Finished work on time today, or atleast I like to believe that I did. :D Feeling a lot better - not sure if it is the boiled veggie stuff or the medicines or prayers of some good friends, but I do feel good. Surprisingly, mind is at rest too. Even as I opened this page, there was nothing in my mind to write, which is pretty rare a situation for me. But I like it. I also like the fact that some people just try hard to make me smile and be happy for a while and they manage to do so, all the time. ;-) And then there are some people who want to live in their own world and don't want to understand the situation others may be in and still expect and expect the hell out of you. Why did I get reminded of such uncanny situations in such a beautiful weather? It is just about to rain...I went out for a stroll, took the cam along, tried to capture some moments, failed big time. Nevermind, will learn.

All my trip plans have come to a final end - the one with DFC, the one with my core team, and the one with my business. This time blame it on me and my tummy. It is difficult to even think of a trip and eating out with the way my tummy behaves. I don't want to think about it. I planned for something 6 months back, I told it to the universe, and it doesn't happen. I still don't want to think about it.

And tomorrow is a friday - my spirits still low...let me see what holds for tomorrow. Today doesn't seem any good. But I will live by. Both today and tomorrow.