Sunday, March 23, 2008

The 'Not-So-Good' Side...

What is your endurance level, when it comes to hearing things that are ‘not-so-good’ about yourself? What does it depend upon?

Been thinking of this for long now – and as I firmly believe that all nagging thoughts of your mind must find ‘paper-respite’ or a channel to come out – am here again with these thoughts. Needless to say they bother me and find time to nag my mind when there are so many other important things that I need to take care of.

While it depends a lot (actually 40%) on the way someone tells you what they don’t like about you, there is always an aftermath to it. You tend to introspect. Sometimes you agree to what was pointed out and think of ways to set things right. Some other times you fill yourself with anger, not agreeing AT ALL to what was pointed out. You still reason it out. With yourself first before you actually go with a pouncing spree at the one who did the needful to you. This remains purely my experience and a lot of people might beg to differ which is fine.

Coming back to my question – what is your endurance level? How do you react to it? For how long can you hear ‘not-so-good’ (I am being nice here!) things about yourself? Do you only listen to the ones who are close to you or just any stranger? And do you AGREE to it if someone close tells you? In all probabilities, Yes. But do you also pay heed to it if a stranger tells you? Or some you have known only for a few days? There may be times when you would listen to all that CRAP (that’s what you want to call it the first time you hear it..) from a stranger without even a single thread of retaliation. At all other times, you would detest even your closest of friends when they try telling you what is it that’s not good about you. You may also choose to drift away from that person. Further still, you may just laugh it all thinking ‘your close friend suddenly is jealous of you’ or is trying to show you down…..

While am writing, I am just thinking…maybe it is circumstances around you that decide how you react to such a situation. I will give another 30% to those circumstances. I am left with only 30% more – can I give that to the way you evolve in life, show those signs of maturity (and I don’t mean that you agree to all those ‘no-so-goodies’ in front of your friend/stranger and say I will work on those soon…and then never even spending a minute in what was told).

There is a professional angle to it too. In the corporate world, you call it ‘constructive feedback’. The way your manager tells you all those developmental needs is not funny – it is sugar coated in a way that it sounds good to you and more often than not, you walk out of the session wondering whether your boss meant good or bad. Effective communication comes next in this then. Holds true in your personal life as well. This is what I meant when I said I will give 40% to the way your are told things. Been trying my best to learn the art – yet a lot of situations happening day-to-day tell me I need to work a lot. Emotions get the better off me and I speak out without realizing how it would sound to the other person.

My endurance level – well, 50% depends on what has been pointed out (whether it is true, or I agree to it or not, whether I was ignorant of it or did not think in that perspective) and 40% on who has pointed it out, and the remaining 10% on the mood that I am in! Let me know if I missed something out.


Dumuro said...

See here or here

Sakshi said...

Well... I will give a good 40% to the state of mind that I am in... 30% to the way it is said... 20% to who says it...and 10% to what has been said..

What has been said is the least imp according to me because we (at least I) tend to think over it only if the other factors show a positive sign... So, if I am in a real bad mood... I won't care what has been said... I would just not listen to anything negative for myself!

Sanjeev said...

I love it when you analyse.....remember Natasha Bedingfield's first line. Right,getting back to the post-you do get your %ages right....Chidambaram would love to have you in his team of analysts.As to my endurace level-I can actually hear lotsa bad stuff about me.....probably means that I was just not good enough for the other person...but on a professional level-am actually a bit intolerant-hate it when I am found short of expectations but listen always....our critics are often our best friends

Kshitiz Anand said...

This is nice... Good thoughts.. Compelled me to think as well. An offshoot of this is a post on my blog. have a link to this blog there as well.

And thanks to you.. i have started writing more!

That was it... said...

Hey Sakshi..fair enough...state of mind is a must and I agree completely. :-) And just should not hear anything negative from just anyone..full marks to you..

Doc..I wonder if you have ever heard bad from anyone about yourself..if you ever do, direct that person to me..I will ensure he/she never thinks or says anything bad ever..:-) You are TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. :-)

Kshitij..lemme check your poct...:-)

Sanjeev said...

Well, now that's flattering-but you know the feeling's mutual.Showed Sri ur comment-pat came the reply....she's a good friend-isiliye tumhare baare mein acha bolti hai warnaa....but I will always take it from you when it comes to hearing good things about me.Thanks-big time

That was it... said...

:-) Waise I will have to give some benefit of doubt to Sri..:D saath tou wo rehti hai na re...lekin phir bhi..aap se achcha koi ho hi nahi sakta..

Sanjeev said...

Thanks for the solid vote of confidence-yup,u r absolutely right that Sri gets the benefit of doubt & in more ways tahn I could possibly enumerate.....suffice to say she completes me