Tantrums!!!

I would have done endlessly when I was a kid but then how does it bother me…I wasn’t the victim there..I was the one doing them and am sure I gave my pa and mom one hell of a swell time…for I still continue to do so, once in a while. Trust me when I say this. :D

I am sure they would have felt like bashing me up a lot of times..and of those times, I remember one or two which actually made me feel so full of anger that I would shut my room up and not open it for hours altogether. Infact, I am not sure my parents knew then the aggressive/bad tempered brat I will someday turn into. While they always thought I was the most loving and caring daughter they had, they constantly have been trying to calm my nerves with their lecturing (!). Off late whenever I sit with my dad, the only thing he talks to me is about not stressing my life with so many things on plate and controlling my temperament. There would be people around me who would swear by god that they have never seen me angry…yet the closest of them would keep a distance off…playing it safe not to get me to my worst. Hello? Why are we talking about my negatives today? And even if we are, why am I so keenly into it, initiating it at the first place?

Thanks to a friend and my dad, I have been introspecting…both in lines of what he said to me as well as this. I wouldn’t want to always keep talking about myself…but hey…this is one space where I actually can!

However, this posty wasn’t to talk about my tantrums early in the morning, specially when it is a festival of colorful colors…(HAPPY HOLI folks…)…but it SURE is meant to express what I feel of what I saw yesterday. TANTRUMS – at their best!!! And guess who do they come from? Choti Mishi.

Mishi has started throwing tantrums big time and yesterday, she managed to shock me completely and all. Both I and Manish did not know how to handle her for the first time. You know it was like…there was a little monster inside of her that would just surface each time she passed through a toy shop or an icecream-parlour, or see pepsi, coke, chips etc. She behaved in the most erratic manners and for the first time, I was so upset with what I saw. I know this won’t last forever and every kid does this and that and much more AND the fact that with time she will calm down, sober down…but what if she doesn’t…what if she turns out to be another me? I see myself in her when she clenches her teeth and says ‘Mumma..Mujhe bahut gussa aa raha hai’. My doll, my precious little angel…I wish you would listen to me and not turn out to be like Mommy who never listened to anyone. It never did any good to me…so while you can help yourself, please do..and I hope you read this when it is the right time. I love you very much and it hurts when I think you would also feel the way I do..if there is so much boiling inside. Take it out on me…and remember..am always around you…God bless…as I write this, my doll sleeps besides me…waiting for her to wake up so that we can play holi and make life more colorful than it already is…

Cheers and spread the colors…