Disclaimer: Any thought/idea relating to a real life scenario is purely unintentional. Please do not relate it to your life. All this - my life.
And thankfully I don't need to explain myself to anyone. (!)
Why the disclaimer? Well, it has become a mandate for me now. Many people will know and understand why. This post has been on my desktop for almost 4 days now - today morning it screamed for justice and so here it is.
Relationships - the way they begin and the way they firmly form a viscious circle of its own 'life' ever after is something I could never understand. Not that I expect myself to understand them the way they are. They say maturity hits maximum with time. Why? In some relationships, we show maturity much before it is expected. Okay, am not sure where am I leading when I write this. All I know is that this is not something that I wanted to touch upon today. There is a quintessential thought in my mind which needs the paper respite (I coined it up - all those thoughts in my mind that keep nagging me and want to jump off my mind on to the blog, I call it "Paper respite". It may not be the best coined term, but I relate to it and so please bear with it). Hold on, let me go back to where I began - so relationships are very difficult to handle, under certain and well a lot of circumstances. As I write this, I laugh out loud...and remember the lines from a song 'rishton ki bheed mein kaisi ye tanhai hai'...When expectations start boiling below the surface of any relationship, you often feel lost. The level of expectations is something that seeks immediate attention. Take this for instance:
I did not expect this from you.
Who told you to expect this from me?
Well, my mistake - I should have known.
Yeah, ofcourse you should have known.
I will take care in future.
Who wants to be in touch with you in future (silent thought).
I am done with this relationship.
This is not how friendships are treated.
Ok, then teach me how they are.
Well, too bad I have to do that for you.
Well then..too bad you couldn't understand me.
Sounds familiar? If not, lucky you.
Whether or not I reach upto the expectation is not important - let that be handled by the other person. If I have to manage both, then why do I need him/her. On the other hand, I want all that I expect out of the other. Bad. You gotta learn so much more. But hey, I have been rightfully doing what I want to for all the relations that I really care for. Well, does that mean I am NOT doing anything for the ones that are of secondary importance to me? Is yes, then I have a question - WHY? Let's ponder on that thought later.
Why do we expect? Is it because we need what we give back - in equal portions? You are my best friend and so I expect you to give me 100% more attention than a casual aqaintance would give me. Period. I love you and so I expect you to spend maximum time with me. No arguements on this.
And how can I forget this new formed rule in a relationship and this is my addition today morning - I want to let go of a lot of things..including my dissatisfaction over something until it really starts pinching me. (Quote unquote - apologies here..but it was something that caught my attention first hand, though I did not react immediately.) So you wait for things to start pinching and then take action or suddenly decide to cut off, or perhaps just decide to take it cool and pull the reigns on your horses of expectations or better still convince yourself that this is not how you should be reacting or 'expecting'. My bet personally - well, I think I like it. I would also do the same. Infact, I do it all the time. I don't remember a time when I just bombed someone with my set of expectations - I want you to do this/I thought you would do this/I think this was unfair - come on - breather needed. Space needed. Just let it be. Just let people be. Just let your friend/spouse/daughter/sister/brother/lover/ be themselves. You have the right to shout and be vocal about it. But that's it. Don't impose.
Often relationships full of expectations don't form a great base for enduring times ahead. One out of the two in that relationship would be compromising somewhere. Well, I know life is quite a lot about compromising. Anyone who says 'I never compromise' - either hasn't really been noticing enough or has a strange way of living. I know this one and a lot more written here is for sure a good subject for a debate. I still am firm on what I say. :- )
