...and I go on with Mithya

Insane as I am (and those who do not know this about me shall very soon believe in what I say!) - I might change the name of my protagonist from 'Mithya' to something as wierd as 'Mars' or probably 'Ginger' in the book that shall be (and when that shall be is a big question in my head too) - but let me atleast make a confession here...I downloaded the template I wanted to use for my book and actually created 8 pages yesterday. But as I created them and copied some of my posts from the blog to that template, i relaized I was not very happy with what I was writing. I can't hold everyone's attention by just writing about my life. It has to be a mix of everyone's life. Of what most of the people around me think and behave and act and work and whatever else. (Beware, which just means I will be closely looking into your lives as well, thinking the way you think and also asking you questions at times at the cost of overwhelming you at times with my undue interest in you and your thoughts.)

I am not sure if my book will sell - that's actually not the intent - I have to write something that I have dreamt of for all these years. I have to write what happens in life - mine, yours and everyone else's. I have to talk about the entanglements in our relationships, the purity in few others, the love and lust factor (and this has intimidated me time and again) - what wins over what (I know am raising a lot of questions now...I like to do that.), whether all of us always know if what we run after is love and not sheer lust or vice versa, if everytime we really realize whether we are in love, okay..if at all we think about a relationship to the level of actually thinking whether it is love or otherwise, if what I felt 5 years back as a person, do I feel the same now in my thirties, and would I continue to feel the same in my 40's and 50's? What would it be like to fall in love when I am 50 - blindly in love that is. :) ofcourse with some one other than my husband (!!!) - how would I react to my daughter falling in love with two people at the same time, or my best friend falling for me after almost 50 years of our lives.

Random, that was. Don't shout back at me. I do not hate what I just wrote..and it wasn't gross...mind can think right. So this and so much more that I want to talk and write and then let people read. Do you think it is crazy enough to be writing something as dreaded as I just explained? If it is, am game. Crazy - yeah that's what it should get the feeling out. :)

I have loved being crazy - in love or otherwise. Have you?

Salt and Pepper...!

A candid chat - a page from my dairy...

Me: Sometimes there are situations which make you uncomfortable - like I was in a few months back when there was a guy dancing in front of me, with his first 4 buttons of the shirt unbuttoned, exposing a nice toned body. Since he was taller than I am, even after I wore a 2.5 inches heel (I am 5.5') - I couldn't help but look right into his shirt whenever I raised my eyes. For strange reasons, looking into his face was even stranger.

Person: Why was it an uncomfortable situation? You should have taken advantage...

Me: Advantage? What do you mean?

Person: As in if that was something you liked or may have liked, you should have taken advantage of the situation.

Me: Why would I do that? And I did not like it or may have liked by the way.

Person: And why would that be? Because of your status? Or the fact that you feared it?

Me: None perhaps. I wouldn't indulge in any such fun. By the way, have you ever?

Person: What?

Me: Indulged in such fun?

Person: Such fun?

Me: Forget it. Obviosuly you wouldn't tell me that. It was a silly question to ask and so ignore it.

Person: If you meant 'if I have had moments with women....the answer is no, not typically.

me: Hmmm..ok

Person: But there have been exceptions - one or 2...so there...

Person: Candid enough?

Me: Yes, very candid.

Me: Do you regret it?

Person: No

Me: Hmm...you know what, you are the kind of person I would want to go out for a walk along a beach-side on a winter sunny afternoon and talk about life.

Person: Walk with me on a beachside?

Me: Yes and talk.

Me: Does it sound like a funny wish?

Me: Unusual?

Person: no, not funny. Unusual. Probably.

.....and so it ended. Another conversation of the numerous converstaions they had. Months and still at that. From mumbai blasts, to vacations to work to experiences of life. Everything but what they wanted. Was life that long to wait for the time when they talked about what they wanted? Perhaps yes. For them.