...and I go on with Mithya

Insane as I am (and those who do not know this about me shall very soon believe in what I say!) - I might change the name of my protagonist from 'Mithya' to something as wierd as 'Mars' or probably 'Ginger' in the book that shall be (and when that shall be is a big question in my head too) - but let me atleast make a confession here...I downloaded the template I wanted to use for my book and actually created 8 pages yesterday. But as I created them and copied some of my posts from the blog to that template, i relaized I was not very happy with what I was writing. I can't hold everyone's attention by just writing about my life. It has to be a mix of everyone's life. Of what most of the people around me think and behave and act and work and whatever else. (Beware, which just means I will be closely looking into your lives as well, thinking the way you think and also asking you questions at times at the cost of overwhelming you at times with my undue interest in you and your thoughts.)

I am not sure if my book will sell - that's actually not the intent - I have to write something that I have dreamt of for all these years. I have to write what happens in life - mine, yours and everyone else's. I have to talk about the entanglements in our relationships, the purity in few others, the love and lust factor (and this has intimidated me time and again) - what wins over what (I know am raising a lot of questions now...I like to do that.), whether all of us always know if what we run after is love and not sheer lust or vice versa, if everytime we really realize whether we are in love, okay..if at all we think about a relationship to the level of actually thinking whether it is love or otherwise, if what I felt 5 years back as a person, do I feel the same now in my thirties, and would I continue to feel the same in my 40's and 50's? What would it be like to fall in love when I am 50 - blindly in love that is. :) ofcourse with some one other than my husband (!!!) - how would I react to my daughter falling in love with two people at the same time, or my best friend falling for me after almost 50 years of our lives.

Random, that was. Don't shout back at me. I do not hate what I just wrote..and it wasn't gross...mind can think right. So this and so much more that I want to talk and write and then let people read. Do you think it is crazy enough to be writing something as dreaded as I just explained? If it is, am game. Crazy - yeah that's what it should get the feeling out. :)

I have loved being crazy - in love or otherwise. Have you?

...Conspiracy

...I read it as point number 14 in someone's flickr stream...added that as one of the randoms that I know about myself. I am still so much in awe of it that I thought of posting it here as well for my memory...(and I really mean it when I say my memory because I have a short term memory...I completely forget things in no time. To give you an example, I forgot I had a customer call on friday morning. Realized after half an hour, when it was too late to join the call.) I would love to go through my blog and other sites that I am registered in and my writings when I at 60 or 70 and just feel happy with whatever happened in my life. Ain't the last stage of your life a means to remember you by gone days and be merry since there ain't much to look forward to at 70 or 80?

I always get distracted with so many other thoughts in my mind...that I come back to my point usually in the second paragraph! I better be conscious of the english teacher who reads my blog and comments on missing punctuations here and there (lolz!) - thanks..whoever it was...it atleast brings a smile to my face each time I think about it. Talking of point number 14 in Sharanya's flickr stream where she wrote..she actually dreams during the day as well....gets those screens in her mind and then waits for them to be in reality. I am exactly the same. There are certain things that I yearn for....I dream about them with my eyes open...I would see screens - in a sequence, the way I would want them to be...and then wait until the time they actually happen. I have also got into this habit of speaking out aloud whatever I want or wish. Sooner or later, I see that happening, which makes me want to believe Paulo's words...'when you really really want something, the whole universe conspires to get you close to that'. I think the universe exactly does that - you would never know but universe actually conspires and makes that happen. You desire, you let it out to universe or god..and then wait until that happens. Offlate..i have starting dreading this...even a silly wish or a thought in my mind...and it happens. My thoughts and wishes are usually insane and crazy. But then, God has a way of reminding you and letting you know that too. I get the hint often and do as God wants..yet there are many many times when I do things the way I want them, which may not be the right thing to do because at the end of everything, you have to settle your scores. With him. Definitely. So either keep check now or be prepared with your answers then.

Which now brings me to the other thought that just struck me. Do you fear the unknown? If you ask me, my answer is NO. I never fear the unknown. Things I know and am aware of - I have my fears associated with them. But anything that I don't know, I have no fear. I don't think anything beyond what I see, hear and feel. Not sure if that is right, not sure if that is how you should be, but's that's exactly how I am made. There is not much future that I have dwelved into, there is not much thought that has gone in planning for things which are 5 years down the line. I have seen people planning and thinking about years that are 5-10 years away (I really appreciate their thought-process and hope I could think like that). But I guess its just not me....can't think like that.

Leaving you with that thought. Oh byt the way, we had a party at our place (second in a row actually) after a long time and I am happy with the way we organized it and managed it. Manish's old gang was there and it was fun. We have decided to go out every month...this year onwards...and not crib that we are all approaching 40 now...! :D

I am off to Jaipur tomorrow again...will be there until thursday, and then gone to a resort close to jaipur for a strategy meet. Should be in Delhi back on Saturday. And oh yeah, did I tell you I was off to Daman and Diu next thursday for another offsite for 4 days/ Yeah yeah I know, its crazy but that's how it is.

Humanity - No results found!!!

..I was in IHC when I heard it - 5 bomb blasts in Delhi - just in the vicinity of a few kilometres...where so many people were injured and some dying. The first reaction was of fear...damn...and then of remorse......for the way things are happening in our country...there is so much of shamefulness on the fact that the culprits are a part of the country that we belong to....very much breathing in our space....they have their families like we do...and look what they are heading to....for money? for religion? for power? WHAT? You give everything a bad name...your minds suck, your whole being stinks!

What's wrong with you people? What are you trying to prove by killing innocent people...?

I really wonder why is there so much of hatred and poison within them? Is it just to prove a point and show how helpless they can make us feel? By killing innocent people? kids? women? Is that it? Or is it some kind of a political stunt? Hunger for power? To reach upto to a chair by sacrificing the blood of innocent ones?

Shame on you folks. Shame on your thought process. Shame on your mind that gets so influenced by others and is so weak to actually indulge in such devastating destructions and killing people brutally. One life we all have got and look at the way we are chosing to live.

This whole system is wrong - I guess India needs to really focus on improving its system. There is a basic fault in the system. No body wants to correct it. Look at the media for instance. I bloody condemn them as well for showing things the way they do...play around with other's sentiments...make stories that do not exist...rather than helping the folks that need immediate attention, they are busy getting the masala out of the whole situation...because that's not their job to help those folks/ because there are already some people who are taking those folks to the hospitals etc? You show people lying helplessly on the roads waiting to be picked by someone, but you don't have the audacity to go and help them? I feel such a shame to see all this. Yeah right, I know what would you say...its your bread and butter...and why not..not your fault anyway...we seem to have placed humanity at the lowest pedestal in our lives and everything else on top.

The more I think, the more agitated thoughts I get...look at the irony...they are succeeding in what they want to do..they are making people forget about peace and turning each mind into a box full of vengeance...

This definitely was not a post as it turned out to be...I feel sad and helpless at the loss we have suffered, like so many of us...it is terribly disappointing to see the bloodshed...the least we can do is offer prayers to the ones who have faced it all...I hope all goes well with them...god bless my fellowmen, who suffered the loss...and god give them the strength to face it...

Mind Matters...

…my fingers itching to create another story or a piece of art (After debating for a relatively long time, I have decided to call my posts, a piece of art. Trust me it is. I create something that you read and enjoy and sometimes like. It is a form of art. You can choose to disagree – but if you do, let me know. I for sure wouldn’t want to blow my own trumpets with things that are real only to me.

Justified, isn’t it? More than me, it is you I believe in. More than my own self, it is you I refer to when I am writing. So, you automatically become more important than me. If I have pleased you enough, I want to carry on with my non stop-nonsense. And no nonsense, nonstop nonsense it is this time.

It indeed surprises me that human mind can in fractions of seconds go anywhere that it pleases. Sometimes, I want to be just that. A human mind. I want to let go of all my other possessions – like my heart, my kith & kin, my aspirations, my desires, my dreams, my duties, my responsibilities, my hopes – almost about everything but my MIND.

Do you want to ask me why did that thought come to my mind? Or shall I let it pass? For my post to be easily interpretable, I guess I should not listen to you and go ahead with my explanation. So, the story around my sudden awakening to a human mind revolves around ‘Laloo Prasad Yadav’. Let me tell you how.

Chilly sunday evening – I was doing what I like the best – writing. The ‘Times Now’ channel showed Laloo Prasad Yadav in a superman costume, and the news reader kept yapping for a while. With my heart & mind completely on the piece of art that I was creating (which had a wacky touch), I could only think of it and not hear the lady yapping. However, I could see LPY on the screen.

I kept gazing at him for long before I realized that my mind picked up the wackiness from a corner of my brain and Laloo from another (probably from retina and cornea) and together what it gave me was this – If I ever fall in love with Laloo, what is it that I will be utmost crazy about? I almost shuddered and shook my head with this thought.

Super Racer. Out of the ordinary. Mind, beats all.

Jai Raam Jee ki Bhaiya.