...there have been umpteen times when people made me wait, people had a lot of importance in my life, and people meant so much more to me than just ordinary friends. Perhaps they did not have time for me then. And now, I don't.
Things seem to have changed now. I don't have time for them or any such familiarity which would breed content. It doesn't even surprise me, guess time does that to all of us. Everytime. There used to be times when even a mention of them would sadden my heart or make me go weak or get me into a situation I would never want to be in. I can take names here but let them be unknown faces...it seems to make no difference to me or my life in any way. Am not saying just for the heck of saying. I actually mean when I write this. Not that I am proud of it...but am not unhappy either. Sometimes, you gotta learn to live life the way it teaches you to. As my very dear friend Sakshi says..and I love what she says...LIFE...GOES ON...and oh by the way, this is her link.. http://thoughtcourt.wordpress.com/ just in case you are interested...she is quite a writer...and one of her articles got published in a magazine recently....she also is an agony aunt for a lot of people in this world.
Back to my thought - I want to know from you - why do people feel differently at different stages of life. Why does someone who was so close to your heart become a stranger...so much so that it makes no difference whether they exist or not. I guess you can't keep too many people in your heart...you need space at all times in your life to accomodate those who matter the most to you. :)
Who matters the most to me by the way....my daughter, my husband and my dad and Ma the most (in that order).....followed by my brother and sister and few very close friends....followed by....? Actually none. My list is short! Although my heart is pretty big...it likes to accomodate very few people at one time.
9 comments:
why do people feel different at different stages in life ?
- probably they have gone ahead /moved away from us and we are just being static.
Why does someone who was close to your heart become a stranger?
- keeping someone close in my heart is my problem and not their problem so they wont even know when they have become a stranger, everything is status quo for them. Such an association affects you the most and not them. its just like a foreign particle in your body..its not comforable any more :)At that point i just try to be strong and say they are not worth my time.
As you rightly said immediate family is what matters the most. Rest come and go :) You do feel bad but as your friend says Life goes on ... Life REALLY goes on and when it goes on you meet many more interesting people who are worth it:)
have a lovely weekend
Thanks Monika for appreciation and recognition :)
Coming to your questions -
Why do people feel different at different stages in life?
Well... I guess because you have different priorities at different stages - it might be friends, family, job, your own self - it keeps changing...and that's called 'evolution' of a human!
Why does someone who was so close to your heart become a stranger?
Hmm... looks like the reason is the same... with change in priorities, importance of people changes...
One more thing I would want to say - As you said "o much so that it makes no difference whether they exist or not" - maybe but you know you never really lose them completely because somewhere we remain influenced by their thoughts/words. So for instance - We might lose touch sometime in life but you will remember my words and I will remember yours always...
We all this question over a period of time, however the way I see it is that its not only people who change, its us who change too... and while I might be asking this question, I might also want to ask this question to myself in the mirror to find out what changed !!!
My past tells that people feel differently because priorities change, thought processes move with time, or you might just not like doing what you used to do, or you might have found something fairly exciting now as compared to before... cannot really be one answer to this never answered completely question !
Having said that, I also feel that if there was a true bond, it takes a minute to get back !!! This has happened with me a number of times.. Friends I have not talked to in ages and started from where I left !!! just like that... the best example is Abhishek in London who was not in touch with me for more than 10 years except a couple of conversations and we just hit it off together when we met !!!
I guess you gotta believe in that bond, and at the same time not have any false expectations either... some people are just not worth being with !!!
Some things change and some don't....there are always a few constants in your life...your parents being the prime example-no matter what, you will always be the same great Mona to them....some drifters like me-life happens-and it's good to be back....some you wouldn't care to remember...and we move on. I LOVE THIS SONG...SEE IF IT MAKES SOME KINDA SENSE TO YOU
Kahan Kise Ke Liye Hai Mumkin
Sab Ke Liye Ek Sa Hona
Thoda Sa Dil Mera Bura Hai
Thoda Bhala Hai Seene Mein Awaarapaan Banjarapaan
Ek Hala Hai Sine Mein
Keep living......and learn to forgive / forget & move on
Sharanya, I gues i agree when you say they have moved on and we are being static...and I see many people like that. But I guess it boils down to what an individual wants - you can chose to be static and live in the memories because YOU want it and you can also chose to move on and find excitement elsewhere as Om put it because that's how you want to live your life as...both are two different behavioural patterns I guess. And yes, life really goes on..it has to..it can't stop at a point. Never..until you decide to. :) cheers
Sakshi - you have a great thought there..priorities change...yes, they do..but even before priorities change, it is us who change. Infact, we are the ones who decide what and whom to give importance to at different stages in life...sometimes it is our career, sometimes family, sometimes other things. To your other point, well...again it is us who decide if we consider anyone that important to be stuck in their memories or even remember what they said...there might be someone very very close to me at one point of life..however...it turned out that we had a sour relation at the end of it..I am not sure if I still would think and remember that person. I would just cut off all my strings with that person once and then for all.
Om...Like I said above...definitely priorities change and we change too...change in us maybe relative - because the other person changed, you had no choice but to change. Every action has a reaction somewhere of some sorts. besides, let's also agree to the fact that there are somethings that are beyond us...some relations that are not meant to be and some bonds which are just meant to be no matter how bitter they go. BUT, having said this..I wouldn't miss out on the point that it is your effort in any relation and how you want to be, that decides what shape it takes. If i shut myself up, I wouldn't be able to revive a relation that just felt so beautiful at one point in time. At the same time, I would shut down if I have REALIZED that I no longer want to invest my time and feelings to a relationship ...you know if I think it is just not worth anything...which is what you also said. I would, however, not blame it on the person but the relationship that din't flourish as I or we wanted it to be. Infact..I feel bad now...its never the person...it is the WHAT went wrong...that is to be blamed...everyone is nice...some to you, some to me..and some to other people.
Sanju - well said...there are few constants that remain with you...and I guess we should feel happy and live for them. But there are people who wouldn't have these constants in their lives too..what about them...
...and yes, I completely agree...kahan kise hai mumkin, ek sa hona sab ke liye...infact you can NEVER be the same to two different people coz no two people are alike. its like some get the best in you and some get the worst in you!
I guess I ran into the right blog at the right time. After having read the original post and the comments- I feel at ease to know that I am not the only one who feels this sort of a pain.
I am going through a certain phase myself.. where I do not know why a very close friend has suddenly drifted apart. I don't even know the reason why it is hurting so much. But nights after nights I have asked the same question that Monica asked and here is what I have made myself believe in
why do people feel different at different stages in life ?
- Because they find different things interesting at different stages in life. They move from one stage to another and loose interest on what seemed to have their attention in the previous stage.
Why does someone who was close to your heart become a stranger?
- I feel they do not become a stranger. They simply move on and we keep waiting for them. Sometimes they know that their behavior will hurt you and sometimes they are ignorant. But the key is that if you let some one be your priority when you are just an option for them - you are bound to get hurt in the end.
Sometimes people just need some time off. Like a break from the routine and the change their behavior. They are the same at the core though. So I never lose hope that my friend will one day come back to me and things will be back to normal. But at the same time I try to give them their space and still just keep the lines of communication open.
I hope this made some sense. Just hang on there.. if it is meant to be , your friend will be back sooner than you know. Else like everyone said, life moves on and you cherish the moments spent with that friend and miss them once in a while.
Cheers
Iya...welcome here and thanks for spending time in jotting down your thoughts. I am sorry to learn about your friend and I do sincerely hope he/she comes back to you. I know what it means to lose out on people you are close to.
With respect to me, it was just a thought - infact the other way round. No one drifted apart..I myself realized that to me some people were not important anymore as they had been in some point of time and hence the post. I agree that you find different things interesting at different stages of life...with age and at various stages, your thought process changes..what appealed to you 10 years back may no longer be something that provokes a thought in you. Its just a matter of time and changes within us.
Timeoff - I do that myself..when things get diffcult to handle at work or anywhere else...even relationships at times, I give myself time to rejuvenate if I know the other person is important enough. Cheers...good to know your thoughts.
Ok-this post is generating some interesting thoughts....I'll stick to your's my friend-trust me , we all have some constants in life, parents /thoughts /beliefs-koi to aisi cheez hoti hai jo humme nahi badalti hai-makes us what we are-makes us all unique-the issue being that the choice is entirely ours to decide what remains constant in our life-we prioritise our life....we keep moving on.Having said that, it's equally true that the only constant is change.....As Groucho Marx said-only two certainties in life-DEATH & TAXES.....What am I trying to say......just this-LET GO....that which was yours will always come back to you
Truly Enlightening thoughts here.
Thanks!
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