What did I do?

"Today I have added you in the long list of people that I have let down in my life. I am sorry for that".

It is just a message that beeps on your cell phone. Yes it is - just another of those many messages that beeped in my message box and finally went to the deleted folder. But it hit me somewhere. Let me rewind a little and go back because I don't understand what happened then and I don't understand what happened now. I am still wondering and trying to figure out what triggered this series of events. If I did something..I apologize, but if I did not, then why am I being given this cold shoulder?

In a normal day there are atleast 2-3 messages and the same number of emails, followed by 1 or 2 calls even if they are work related most of the times or general chit chat. Constantly, there is someone around you, in touch...a part of your daily life. And then you get so used to living with someone around you - those messages, calls, emails become a part of your routine life. You know what one is doing, where one is, the mood, the thoughts, the to-dos, the work and almost everything about that person. You may not have time to meet the person but you know she/he is there. You know she/he understands. You know she/he will be there, no matter what.

AND THEN SUDDENLY THERE IS SILENCE. One find day you realize that you no more have those messages, or emails or calls coming in from the person. The first reaction - you are worried. You try to place him/her...don't succeed, you write a message or an email...failed attempt..you finally get hold of the person..and ask...and what do you get to hear?

'I am fine. I repeat I am fine. Nothing is wrong.' First blow.

No point discussing anything with you that does not concern you. Second blow.

I don't want you to get worked up by my worries. Third Blow.

I was just trying to vanish from your life slowly, without you getting to know. Fourth blow.

I hope you will understand. God bless and be well. Fifth Blow.

And finally the message:

"Today I have added you in the long list of people that I have let down in my life. I am sorry for that". Sixth blow.

Thank you my friend for these blows..they sure feel very good...soul stirrer!

Why am I so vulnerable always? Why is everything and anything depended on what others want to do with our relationship? Am I ever the one to decide about any of the relationships that I have? Why should it be left on one person, anyway? Two friends together should decide what they want to do - whether they want to be together or decide to slip away into oblivion. But I guess that's not how it works in life. Thank you for telling me yet another time. God Bless. Hope you feel better this way. Thanks to all those, infact.

And life shall go on...because it has to...the hurt, the pain, the blows...they shall continue to be a part of your life...