Not to BE...

It went on and on, until time stopped. And then a full-stop – as if an end to an era! There was nothing concrete for as far as I could chase. Hopes and despairs, all bouncing back at me time and again. When I started, I knew little - as I started treading on the path, I was certain I was going to end up somewhere, not just anywhere. It made me happy and it make me anticipating so much more - like never before. It dissappointed me many a times. Sometimes, almost reaching a dead end. Yet I carried on, walking along the path, trying to find the lost traces, of something that was never meant to be at the first place. Until life decided to shook me up and help me accept the fact that there indeed are some things not meant to be, however hard you may try.

A prolonged affair of my thoughts with my dreams,
Of my beliefs with my experiences..

It was never meant to be.

Stop Over

...I guess I am stuck on this word 'Stopover' since yesterday for my last flickr picture also talks about it but in a different perspective. Life, for me has never been more than a way to explore, understand, and then learn! Many times what I learn, I don't practice...many times I do the same thing I did in the past, knowing that repetition is a mistake and wrongful step too. I know some things are wrong but I still go ahead and do them because they feel so right. Guess happens with a lot of us and a lot of times.

Coming back to my topic - stop-over - sometimes a little one helps in ways unknown. It sounds mysterious and actually if you dig deep, it indeed is. A small stop-over of a few minutes changes your whole perspective towards life. Makes you realize the goodness of a person or a devil in a person, helps you understand yourself - your needs, your wants, your desires, brings you back closely to understand the motives, the situations, the circumstances. Guess amidst my journey of understanding life and other human beings, the first and foremost tasks remains that of understanding my own self. There are times when I have to actually get into situations to understand myself...as if I don't believe what my mind says all the time..I want to experience and then understand. And as I write this, I am a person who needs to see facts and figures to understand things...it ain't a dreamy world for me and it doesn't go on words alone. Why do I call it a stop-over? Because I know it is not for real. Neither is it gonna last me long. It cannot. It is not meant to be. It should not, ever. Why am I justifying all this? I ask myself and I get the reply too.

Enough of philosophy - back to business. It was a stop-over - of a short while. Get the perspective and now time to decide what I want to do. Dwell further or just go back in time to where I belong. Guess my pick is the latter - I am happy with what I believed in though it no longer exists. Atleast my thoughts do.

Besides, I care two hoots about what others need. I know what I need. And that is more important for me. Do I sound selfish? Freaking selfish. I am, to the core. And I love it. All the bull about selflessness doesn't really hold true with me...its time I did things for my own, at my own pace, with my theories, and with my understanding.

What's wrong...why don't I stop writing non-stop nonsense early in the morning? There is still more...sometimes I want to go to a mountain top and shout from there...all that is there within....then take a fresh breath and climb down with a smile. :)

I have to pack my bags now...going to Jaipur again for a week - my customers are there this week from Australia. So it is again going to be forts, and pictures and colors in my life for the next 5 weeks...because I am their official tour guide! And damn, did I tell you that my Varanasi photo shoot almost stands cancelled because of a new project that is on cards for me, for which I may have to again travel to Australia for 6 weeks in November first week? I have never been so disappointed in my life. I really wanted to do Varanasi...had been actually dreaming about it...for so long now. :( But then, I trust God...am sure I will get another chance to go visit Varanasi soon...(reminds me, have to tell Shanya about this and ask if she wants to carry on with the trip without me so I can get her bookings done).

And oh yeah..I have a red and a golden pair of cute pretty bellies in my shoe rack now - beautiful ones..and real thiny miny belts...too and a beautiful criss-cross traditional strappy blouse that I picked from GK. I need a plain green chiffon sari now and I know that's gonna play in my mind whole of 5 days in Jaipur until I buy it there!

Friday Frenzy

The swings in the lower basement of my mind just got better. Wonder if it is people, friends, conversations, something to live for, a hope, a dream, a rationale, self motivation, or doing nothing helps. But I do find respite from the devils of despair. And thanks everyone for being there.

Is it that yet another phase of evolution in the mind is beginning to start. I am game.

As we progress in life, not many of us know or try to know ourselves...after a certain point in time, you start becoming certain about a lot of things about yourself..the things you draw affinity to, the kind of people you gel with, the hobbies that interest you, the dreams you want to live for, and the things you want to spend time on...all this because somewhere you have evolved over time, somewhere you have known yourself more than just getting familiar. Guess evolution is a constant process - you do something, you learn-unlearn so much out of it, you understand and you move on. Each moment, you are discovering yourself!

How far can you go?

How far can you go?

How far can you REALLY go?

There is so much to explore yet, so much to learn, so much to experience, and so much to understand in life.

That's one thing that keeps me going - personally and professionally. I hope I carry on with this forever. Cliched but true - ONE LIFE. Need I say more?

....and the friday frenzy begins. Great day folks.